Jokes Competition?

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Roboframer

Jokes Competition?

Post by Roboframer »

I see that The Grumble is about to launch its annual 'Worst Joke' competition - all jokes have to be groaners.

They've just gone to 5 or 6 pages arguing over who will judge and how.

How about we have a jokes competition here - but any sort of joke - long as it's clean, well - 'adult' would be OK but not obscene or disgusting.

Don't ask me who would judge or how - maybe we could all nominate our favourite top 10 jokes in about a month's time - not including your own of course - and go from there.

I'll start.

Hear about the Irishman that thought The Royal Enfield was where the Queen kept her chickens!

(No-one from Ireland registered here is there?) :roll:
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Keith Hewitt
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Post by Keith Hewitt »

A Scotsman was walking thru Glasgow with a Wellington on his penis. A
policeman stopped him and asked what he was doing, he replied "Just fooking aboot !!"

Keith Hewitt
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John
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Post by John »

Keith,

I can understand why your joke might be considered the worst joke ever, but it's not really a "groaner", which is what roboframer is looking for.

How about :-

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.

-----

Confucius Says
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.

-----

A scientist cloned himself but the experiment created a duplicate who used very foul language. As the clone cursed and swore, the scientist finally pushed it out the window, and it fell to its death. Later the scientist was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

-----

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing near Transylvania.
They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!"

Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.

"Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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