It's a gas

[Roboframer]

Someone gave me remote controlled fart machine last Christmas - had a bit of fun with it, but it only made one fart noise and it sounded like a recorded noise, not very realistic.

But I've found, and bought today, a great one - 5 different and very authentic farts

http://www.hawkin.com/find/keyword-is-f ... t-is-02160

Tomorrow night is choir rehearsal night - we rehearse in a church and I'm either going to put it in the pulpit or under the accompanist's piano stool. Then I'm going to wait until we are singing a song that ends with three 'P's (Pianissimo - very quiet x3) and press the remote.

[The Jolly Good Framer #1]

Honestly, I find this type of humour childish, uncouth, rude, ill-mannered, coarse, impolite, crude and other words in my thesaurus.

I also find it very funny. You can’t beat a bit of flatulence related humour. It must be one of the oldest humours. I’m sure even cavemen laughed about it.
[Caveman 1 holds out a finger and says to Caveman 2 ‘Ug’ (translated to English ‘pull this’)]

[Moglet]

Honestly, I find this type of humour childish, uncouth, rude, ill-mannered, coarse, impolite, crude

I do as well.





Any chance of a video???

[Roboframer]

Any chance of a video???

You got it!

[prospero]

Oh what a sleekit, horrible beastie
Lurks in yer stomach efter a feastie
As ye sit doon amang yer kin,
There starts to stir a michty wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushie peas,
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the sonsie face
Will hiv ye blawin' a' ower the place.

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A?'body's gonnae huv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle,
It's like a bullet oot a rifle.

Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin' air.
Shift yersel' fae cheek tae cheek
An' pray to God it disnae reek.

But a' yer efforts go assunder,
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder.
It ricochets aroon' the room,
Michty me! A sonic boom!

God almighty, It fairly reeks
(I hope a hivnae' shit ma breeks)
Straight tae the bog ah better scurry
Aw whit the hell, It's no ma worry.

A'body roon'aboot me's chokin'
Wan or twa are nearly bokin'.
Ah'll feel much better fur a while,
Ah cannae help but raise a smile.

'Twis him!! Ah shout, wi' accusin' glower.
Alas, tae late. He's jist keeled ower.
'Ye mingin' clert!' They shout and stare.
Ah amnae welcome ony mair.

Where e'er ye be, Let yer wind gang free
(Sounds jist the job fir thee an me)
Whit a fuss at Rabbies pairty
Ower the sake o' wan wee ferty.

[Moglet]

Somewhat more artful than "Beans, beans are good for the heart..."

[Moglet]

Or...

"Here sat I, broken hearted.
Paid a penny..."

[Roboframer]

Farts smell for the benefit of the deaf.

Choir rehearsal tonight was funny. I'd forgotten that it was our AGM - we're a charity so we have to do this stuff. So we rehearsed from 7:30- 8 - couldn't really use the fart machine there - stuff needed to be done.

AGM was over and done with by 8:30; couldn't use it there - Chairman wouldn't have seen the funny side - I nodded off anyway - then we had a tea break, during the break I planted the receiver, on the back of Mr David Pughe-Morgan's chair, in the shelf where the hymn/prayer books go.

David Pughe-Morgan is a total eccentric - his family owned a lot of land in Wales at one time - at home he sleeps in a different 'wing' to his wife! ..... He is the uncle of Peirs Morgan (Full name - Piers Stefan Pughe-Morgan, but it's OK, Peirs was adopted!) A great guy - whenever you want to find him during a concert interval, just head for the large, laughing, group of people!

Aaaanyway - I didn't want to interupt serious stuff but I know we always end with 2 or 3 songs we know pretty well - we were singing "with a voice of singing" this is the best utube link I could find I waited for the bit that goes 'Utter it eeeeven unto the e-e-e-e-e-e-nds of the eeeeeearth (pause) pressed the remote ....

PAAAAARP


Well, you'd've had to have been there - bloody funny.

[Moglet]

Farts smell for the benefit of the deaf.

Only you could come up with a line like that, John. Or possibly Kev...

pressed the remote ....

Fair dues, John. You're a man of your word. Shame the word in question is:

PAAAAARP