real trouble - ravens flee tower

[mikeysaling]

Great consternation today in Olde London as rumours abound that the legendary ravens of The Tower Of London have all fled - an event said to signal the fall of the British monarchy.

The ravens are reported to have fled en-masse despite their wings being clipped, leaving tourists agape as ruffled Beefeaters tried in vain to round them up and take them back.

Some observers believe that the ravens have reacted in response to a hung parliament and the possibility of a Lib- Con pact which would see David 'Do Nothing Dave' Cameron installed in Downing Street and the UK going nowhere fast - except possibly to the dogs.

"I couldn't believe it," tourist
Victor Muldrew told us. "I looked around and there was this bloody raven, bold as brass, legging it up Tower Bridge Approach with a Beefeater in hot pursuit, another one running as fast as its little legs would carry it towards Tower Hill tube station, and another of the little buggers heading for the City."

Another visitor, a Scotsman named Frazer wailed:

"We're all doomed! Doomed I tell ye!"

[TabbyAnn]

David cameron is an anagram of Random advice... coincidence? I think not.

[TabbyAnn]

A little girl asked her father, 'do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time"?
The father replied, 'No, some begin with - If I am elected.'

Some people tell political jokes... we HAVE them!

[mikeysaling]

if you like political jokes there are about 650 in westminster!

[TabbyAnn]

Gordon Brown was out jogging one morning along the Thames Embankment near Canary Wharf in London when he tripped, fell down a bank and landed in the water below. Before the Security detail guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water.

He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disney World in Paris.'

Gordon said. 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special Prime Minister's aeroplane.'

The second kid said, 'I want a new set of Manchester United football kit.'

Gordon, 'I'll get them for you, and even have Alex Ferguson sign them!'

The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!'

Gordon was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'

The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!'



Royal Mail created a stamp with a picture of Prime Minister Gordon Brown but the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.

This enraged the Prime Minister, who demanded a full investigation.

After a month of testing and spending of £2.1million, a special commission presented the following findings:

1 The stamp is in perfect order.

2. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.

3. The Public are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp

[Roboframer]

While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.

So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says the PM.

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He
says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."

"But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Brown.

"I'm sorry .. But we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that,
St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down ...all the way to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had helped him out over the years --- John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there .. Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed.

They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and relax, Gord!"

"Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Brown, dejectedly.
"This is hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!"

Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled with the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime promises.

They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time
to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the
elevator and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate.

So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special!

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Harold Wilson never prepared me for this!"

The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity."

With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brown reflects for a minute ... Then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all but I really think I belong in hell with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to hell.

The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren
scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland,
looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian
outback, but worse and more desolate

He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained
together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black
plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.

The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder." I don't understand," stammers a shocked Brown, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs …………………..

"Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!"

[prospero]

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[mikeysaling]

im not panicking - new pm oh shit!!

[mikeysaling]

are we now in the danger zone - love the music - turn it up or earphones LOUD

[youtube]V8rZWw9HE7o[/youtube]

[prospero]

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[prospero]

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[prospero]

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[prospero]

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[mikeysaling]

only one reply to that

[youtube]buqtdpuZxvk[/youtube]

[prospero]

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[mikeysaling]

love it - so did my new headphones!!!