The Framin' Workshop Blues
Posted: Wed 25 Jul, 2007 5:02 pm
In the workshop we had a laugh, someone tried to sing the blues with a very posh accent and we discovered that the results were hilarious. So for a bit of guidance I turned to the Internet and this is what I found: -
RULES FOR PLAYING THE BLUES
The following tips for aspiring songwriters were forwarded by Marcella Pry and Lonnie "Lonnie the Talking Harmonica" Glosson. Lonnie is still performing at 92. Here are some tips for any of you pursuing a career in the blues-music world:
1. Many blues songs begin with "Woke up this mornin'....." This is to differentiate blues musicians from most other musicians, who sleep past noon.
2. The nice thing about the blues is that once you've written the first line, you're pretty much done with the second line, too.
3. Chevys and Cadillacs are blues cars.
Other acceptable blues modes of transportation are as follows:
Greyhound bus
Southbound train
Walkin'
Unacceptable modes of transportation for the blues:
Any non-U.S. car (Volvo, Fiat, Honda, etc.)
Touring bike
Cruise ship
Motor scooter
Roller blades
4. Teenagers shouldn't sing the blues until they're old enough to get the electric chair if they shoot a man in Memphis. You can have the blues in New York City. St. Louis, Chicago, and Kansas City are other good blues towns. You cannot have the blues in Vail, The Hamptons, or any town whose name ends in "Beach."
6. Shot in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair. It is not a blues death if you die during liposuction treatment.
7. You have the right to sing the blues if:
You're blind
You shot a man in Memphis
You can't be satisfied
But not if:
You once were blind but now can see
You shot an 85 at golf
Your Dad left you a trust fund
8. Good places for the blues:
A highway
A jailhouse
An empty bed
A freight train
9. Bad places for the blues:
Yellowstone National Park
The country club
Gallery openings
Indoor tennis courts
10. If you ask for water and yo' baby give you gasoline, that's the blues.
Other blues drinks include:
Wine
Whiskey
Muddy water
Blues beverages do not include:Any drink with a little umbrella
Any wine kosher for Passover
Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
Jello shots
11. Picking a blues name:
start with an infirmity (Blind, Li'l, Fat, Lame, Clubfoot)
add Willie, Johnny, or Joe
Pick a U.S. President (Washington, Johnson, Fillmore, Roosevelt, etc.)
Persons with names like Ashley, Brittney, Chad, Kimberly, Cissy, Brad, or Skip may not sing the blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
For example: "Blind Johnny" Harding
So anybody got any ideas for The Picture Framer's Blues?
I'll do the hard part.
Woke up this Mornin...
RULES FOR PLAYING THE BLUES
The following tips for aspiring songwriters were forwarded by Marcella Pry and Lonnie "Lonnie the Talking Harmonica" Glosson. Lonnie is still performing at 92. Here are some tips for any of you pursuing a career in the blues-music world:
1. Many blues songs begin with "Woke up this mornin'....." This is to differentiate blues musicians from most other musicians, who sleep past noon.
2. The nice thing about the blues is that once you've written the first line, you're pretty much done with the second line, too.
3. Chevys and Cadillacs are blues cars.
Other acceptable blues modes of transportation are as follows:
Greyhound bus
Southbound train
Walkin'
Unacceptable modes of transportation for the blues:
Any non-U.S. car (Volvo, Fiat, Honda, etc.)
Touring bike
Cruise ship
Motor scooter
Roller blades
4. Teenagers shouldn't sing the blues until they're old enough to get the electric chair if they shoot a man in Memphis. You can have the blues in New York City. St. Louis, Chicago, and Kansas City are other good blues towns. You cannot have the blues in Vail, The Hamptons, or any town whose name ends in "Beach."
6. Shot in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair. It is not a blues death if you die during liposuction treatment.
7. You have the right to sing the blues if:
You're blind
You shot a man in Memphis
You can't be satisfied
But not if:
You once were blind but now can see
You shot an 85 at golf
Your Dad left you a trust fund
8. Good places for the blues:
A highway
A jailhouse
An empty bed
A freight train
9. Bad places for the blues:
Yellowstone National Park
The country club
Gallery openings
Indoor tennis courts
10. If you ask for water and yo' baby give you gasoline, that's the blues.
Other blues drinks include:
Wine
Whiskey
Muddy water
Blues beverages do not include:Any drink with a little umbrella
Any wine kosher for Passover
Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
Jello shots
11. Picking a blues name:
start with an infirmity (Blind, Li'l, Fat, Lame, Clubfoot)
add Willie, Johnny, or Joe
Pick a U.S. President (Washington, Johnson, Fillmore, Roosevelt, etc.)
Persons with names like Ashley, Brittney, Chad, Kimberly, Cissy, Brad, or Skip may not sing the blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
For example: "Blind Johnny" Harding
So anybody got any ideas for The Picture Framer's Blues?
I'll do the hard part.
Woke up this Mornin...
- I've got tears coming out of my eyes!!!