Am I in the wrong job?

[Roboframer]

We have a 20x16 ft fish pond - well it doubles as a duck pond this time of year actually (man, they just trash it). Underwater lighting, waterfall, UV, filtration system, the lot.

Always had a fish pond, started with a small one with no movement, bigger one with a small pump/waterfall, bigger one; bigger pump/waterfall, then this one, which unlike the previous ones, was built for us. I so could've built this one - even with pressurised filtration/UV - no time these days though.

Had a few goldfish, then some orfe (named 'Sod' 'Naff' 'Bugger' etc) then some Koi - heron problem - down to just the one Koi now, a big black & white bugger (we call 'Orca') with a red spot on his back - think the heron is scared of him, more likely a case of he is the most timid fish I have ever seen.

Aaaaaanyway - today I carried out a long overdue job - cleaned the filters, dismantled and cleaned the UV tube (you can clean it externally with a built in sliding device, but this is the annual thang) raked out the oxygenating weed, which was choking the pond, and trimmed the water lily (red attraction).

The oxygenating weed grew from a small wire-tied bunch we bought for a cuople of quid for the first pond; at the same time we bought a water lily 'plug' - just a leaf on a stem, in a pot, for about £12. I remember the guy saying he wished lilys grew like oxygenating weed.

This lily now has a root like my leg - we've thrown the same away over the years, several times, and also have a dustbin, with water of course, with another that we can't bring ourselves to throw.

Working on what we paid, both for the oxygenating weed and the lily, I reckon we have about six grand's worth of plants, or would have if I hadn't thrown the weed!

And I didn't do anything - just threw it in some water.

Then there's Orca - he cost me £45 when he was about five inches long; he's about 18 inches long now and going by what I see in my local garden centre, worth about £350 and he's only 18 months older! That's some return!

Not to mention Sod, Bugger, Naff etc - a big orfe costs a lot and ours are pushing 8" now - plus the goldfish that breed like wabbits and also have value - and I never did anything - just threw the lot - plants, fish, in to some water!

And if I could sell FROGS - oh boy!

[framejunkie]

All framers are only in it for the money - its the ultimate get rich quick scheme after all. Me, I've only been doing it 10 years and already i own half of a rusting narrow boat(officially called 'Pocahontas' but known to most as 'The Floating Skip'). What more proof do you need?

As you all park the Bentleys outside, open up the shop and settle into your leather executive chairs in your Alan Sugar style offices and logon to the forum to see what the other framing moguls have to say for themselves, you can allow yourselves a smug look around at the shelves full of expensive baubles and trinkets; the photos of you being schmoozed by politicians and other leaders of industry; the cute photo of you and the kids in front of your private Lear jet, and think "Yes, I'm truly a proper capitalist SOB". But ask yourself - is all that excessive wealth making you happy? And the answer is probably yes. Only the other day i bought a second-hand book about wood-finishing on Amazon - and i didn't blink when i realised i'd have to pay £2.75 for delivery. That's living!

And if I could sell FROGS - oh boy!

John, do you have many French or Chinese restaurants out there in Sussex? Could be a lucrative sideline...

[Bill Henry]

Let’s see here …

You bought Orca for £45 and probably a dozen others. Add the kelp and that’s carry the twelve and gozinta eight a capital outlay of £6585. So, essentially you purchased Heron food. You’ve got only one koi left, so, takeaway something, and you’re left with a profit of minus £6235.

Good Deal!

Hmmmm, … psst … listen closely, John! I’ve got a great deal on some beach front property in New Mexico you might be interested in.

[prospero]

Wanna know where the money is?

Teeth.

Went to pick up something from a photographer M8 and asked him jokingly if that was his Lamborgini parked opposite the shop. Turned out it belonged to the dentist across the street, who, wait for it, also owns an Aston Martin and a selection of various other mega-bucks muscle cars. All with personal plates thank you.